Starbridge Meets Hogwarts
by Celabrielle
Summary: To read this fic, one needs a basic understanding of Starbridge. Or at least, it would help. Watch as our strange group of people is oddly transported to Hogwarts, and pandemonium ensues. Snape-snogging, Harry-snogging, and Draco-snogging all occur!
1. The beginning

Alena was walking along a path with some of her friends. (A/N: How very original) Well, some of them were friends... you couldn't exactly call Amber a 'friend', even if they weren't killing each other this week. Yet. Well, because she's just like that, Alena had to say something. "I'm bored." Samantha giggled hysterically, Jesse voiced one of his usual non-committal 'mmph' noises, and everyone else looked at her blankly.  
  
"Truth or Dare?" The usual question...voiced, of course, by the usual person—Leah. (A/N: Why does this all seem so familiar?) As usual (A/N: Of course.), Ariel made a noise resembling a squeak and proclaimed that she would just watch, not play, Samantha giggled hysterically (A/N: Noticing a pattern?), and Amber shrugged. "Sure. Nothing better to do." So, as usual, they all meandered along towards Scorpio Rock.   
  
Five Minutes Later...  
  
"Truth or Dare?" Michael hesitated. "Er... Dare?" Alena grinned evilly. Michael gulped. "I dare you to... snog Makenna for ten seconds—on the lips, directly." Michael paled, and Makenna blushed. "Chicken out!" "That's your last chicken out, you know." "Fine."   
  
Fifteen Minutes Later...  
  
"Truth or Dare?" Alena rolled her eyes. "Truth." "That's your last Truth in a row." "No duh." Twenty-four Minutes Later...(A/N: Soooooo boring...) "Okay... Bored now." (A/N: Finally!) Everyone nodded. "Alena, did you read my new fanfic?" Julie. Of course. "Erm... no? I started it, but having Draco snog Harry senseless in the first six paragraphs was... a bit much... so I gave up. Sorry." "Oh. Well, that's alright... I still think slash—hey!" Seth had poked her. "Leave off the gay people for a while... people bother them enough." Julie smiled, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks as she looked at Alena's older brother. (A/N: Ah, the irony...in love with each other's brothers...) "Right." "So... did you read mine?" "The one about snogging pillows?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I liked it a lot. I reviewed it." "Cool." Samantha giggled hysterically. Jesse grunted (A/N: Mmph.), and Tommy drooled at Amber.   
  
About Two Hours Later...more boredom...  
  
"Harry Potter." Everyone looked at Alena. (A/N: I love that. I am the center of the universe!!! Muhahahaha!) "Huh?" Alena hid a snort at Tommy's apparent obliviousness. "Harry Freaking Potter." "Oh." "What about him?" asked Julie. "I would really love to be instantly transported to Hogwarts..." BOOM! CRASH! SMASH! ALAKABLAM! (A/N: Batman! Okay, so I am psychotic. This is not news, has not been news, and will never be news, because I was probably born this way. If I wasn't, I blame it on my upbringing.) There was a blinding flash of light, and then another blinding flash of light, and so on and so forth...! And then, Alena sat up, conveniently surrounded by all of the aforementioned people, and the ones as of yet unmentioned, such as Liz, Gigi (A/N: a friend from FLA), Patrick, Matthew, Laura, Spencer, and other still unmentioned Starbridge young people. "Hogwarts!" She leapt up and stared at the castle. Then, she stared at the incredibly hot Slytherin placed conveniently on the Hogwarts steps. And, of course, the Golden Trio, busy yelling their heads off at him. "Okay... very weird..." That, of course, was Amber. "Yeah." Everyone. Of course. "Well," began Julie grimly, "Might as well enjoy it while it lasts... I'm off to hunt down a sexy potions professor and snog him senseless, I'll see you guys later..." She walked up towards the castle, not seeming a bit fazed. Alena blinked. "Okaay..." The others looked blankly at her. Then Amber spoke up. "Okay. This is very, very weird." "Real help, that." Alena. No duh. Amber snorted.  
  
"Let's...erm... let's go ask the Dream Team." Alena, the voice of reason. (A/N: Snort.)  
  
"Who?" That was pretty much everyone, except Amber and Seth.  
  
"Harry, Hermione, and Ron."  
  
"Oh." They began to walk to the castle, conveniently dressed in their robes from the ritual that had been held earlier that day, under which they were all wearing jeans and some form of shirt. (A/N: Don't we just love being Pagan.)  
  
"Erm... Hello?" Draco noticed the band of young weirdoes first.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Alena stomped on Samantha's foot before she began to giggle.  
  
"Very eloquent, Malfoy." The blonde raised a delicately groomed eyebrow.  
  
"You've heard of me, then?" He sounded more arrogant than Rowling usually described him, but hey, when are the stories accurate?  
  
"Not really...but you're the only bleach blonde, manicured, pampered and polished git-face I see, so you must be Malfoy." The blonde spluttered at Alena. She grinned evilly. (A/N: uh-oh! Flee, flee while you can!) By now, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were staring at her with great admiration, Ron in particular. (A/N: Hint, hint.)  
Draco snorted and stomped away, nearly running into Julie as she hurtled out the castle doors.  
  
"Teaching a class," she said miserably. Then she caught sight of Draco. Then she caught sight of Seth. Then she sighed.  
  
"Oh, well."  
  
Approximately on hour later, after all has been explained, and the group is sitting about the Gryffindor Common Room, chatting with various characters from cannon...  
  
Julie was conversing with Seth, Jason (A/N: So I didn't mention him before, so sue me.), Alena and Harry.  
  
"... And you're fifteen years old and haven't even thought about girls yet!?" Jason. (A/N: a rather compacted quote of his, from a rather interesting conversation held between the authoress, Julie, and Jason at the Crimson Moon.) Harry blushed furiously. Alena left hurriedly for a game of chess with Ron, abandoning the green-eyed teenager with the three most perverted minds of their generation. (A/N: Uh oh.)  
  
Four hours later...  
  
"And there were these odd noises..." That was Harry. Julie and Jason grinned at each other, and Seth coughed.  
  
"Erm... did you sleep well?" Harry looked confused.  
  
"Er... not particularly... it was very loud." Julie looked like she was about to explode, barely able to contain her laughter.  
  
"Julie! You can do it! Keep the darkness within! Don't say it!" Jason, again, nearly in tears with laughter as well. (A/N: another real quote of his.)  
  
"Four hours with you, and he still has not the slightest bit of a perverted mind. Wow." Alena and Ron had walked over, and the dark haired girl had made the comment. Julie sighed.  
  
"Must be a record."  
  
"Yes. Definitely."  
  
"Jason, I think we have to give him The Talk. Where's Irena?"  
  
"Talking to Dean, Parvati, Lavender and Seamus. Bunch of enamored loonies. We'll have to manage by ourselves. Blast." Julie smiled. Harry looked scared. (A/N: he should be. Muhahaha.)  
  
"Harry. Apparently, you have never had The Talk. Yes?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Good Gods."  
  
"Alright, from the beginning... The stork did not carry you to your parents."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Jason, Seth, I think I might die."  
  
"It's okay, we'll take care of it from here. Harry, lad, let's go. Seth and I will explain everything." Harry's eyes widened.  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
About six hours later...  
  
"Jesse..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I think Harry is in danger."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Seth and Jason are the two most perverted people on this planet. Who knows what they're telling him!?" Jesse and Alena exchanged looks of fear and dashed to the staircase. Ariel and Liz followed quickly. After all, it takes more than two people to save a young man's mind from utter perversion. (A/N: Sadly...)  
  
They only got to the bottom of the staircase, however, before Harry, Seth and Jason walked down the stairs. Harry was so red, he could have been a Weasley, and the other two were grinning proudly.  
  
"Are you sure they're not Fred and George in disguise?" Ron asked Alena worriedly. She grinned.  
  
"Yeah. They're not even related."  
  
"Good."  
  
Julie grinned, and Harry resisted the urge to run screaming from the room.  
  
"I never, ever wanted to know that. I am permanently mentally scarred." Alena grinned and clapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Welcome to my world."  
  
Some time period later...  
  
Alena, Ginny, Ariel and Hermione were walking along the halls, laughing rather quietly, when Ginny shushed them all and pointed around the corner.  
  
"It's Malfoy!"  
  
Ten minutes later...  
  
"Why did we run away from Malfoy?"  
  
"That. Is. irrelevant."  
  
Later...  
  
"I'm bored."  
  
"Truth or Dare?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"What's Truth or Dare?" Everybody stared. How could these Hogwartians not about Truth or Dare? Hmmm... 


	2. Singing, Snogging, and Stupidity

Alena awoke with a start. What was that noise? It was an odd humming, sort of like... oh no.  
  
"Ariel! Leah! This is bad! Very, Very bad! Hurry, we have to stop her! Eeek!" She and the other girls flung themselves from their beds and dashed to the door.  
  
"Sam! Stop! No! Everyone, cover your ears!" Samantha glared at Alena. And then, she did exactly what Alena had tried to keep her from doing...  
  
"Laa! Lalalala! Laaalalalala!!!" Alena stuck her fingers in her ears, forgetting to warn Harry, Ron, Dean and Seamus as they tumbled down the stairs.  
  
"Ahhh! Save Harry! It's a horrible attack from Voldemort!" Ron and Seamus leapt at Samantha.  
  
"Eeeek!" She choked and fell over. Alena breathed a sigh of relief and unplugged her ears.  
  
"Sorry, everyone... Sam likes to sing in the mornings." Ron and Seamus scrambled hastily off the girl, who was looking extremely miffed. She opened her mouth to start singing again. Fortunately, Hermione shot a quick silencing spell at her, and everyone sighed.  
  
"Ok... sorry... who wants breakfast?"  
  
Julie plopped down on the seat next to Alena.  
  
"Morning!" said Alena cheerfully. (A/N: an unusual fact in and of itself, as I positively hate mornings. But then, how can you not want to jump around, laughing like a maniac when you are in such close proximity to Harry Potter Characters?)  
  
"Mmmph. Mmmph...mph, mphmph... mmmph." Alena raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What?" Julie swallowed her muffin.  
  
"Graak. Why are you so... happy? I thought you... ::yawn::... hated mornings." Alena grinned.  
  
"I do. But this is a Harry Potter morning!" Sarcasm made up for the idiocy. Julie snorted her pumpkin juice.  
  
"I hadn't noticed," she commented dryly.  
  
"Hey... look, there's Snape. And he doesn't have classes today. It is, after all, a Saturday..." she trailed off, pointing at the Potions professor. Julie's eyebrows shot up.  
  
"You know... I think I like... ::yawn::... this morning a little better..." Alena smirked. (A/N: I would never, ever be like this in the mornings. It's an embarrassment. Oh well, artistic license.)  
  
"Go! But, erm, you might want to hurry, he looks like he's leaving..." Julie sprang up.  
  
"Heheh! Ok... I'll see you later. If anyone's looking for me, don't send them after me. Please." (A/N: Julie and her Snape obsession.)  
  
"Bye..." Alena shook her head as Julie (with her flowing red hair) sprinted out of the hall.  
  
"Hello." Seth occupied Julie's vacated seat, Liz sitting opposite him, BB next to her.  
  
"Hi... erm, Seth, what are you doing?" Seth grinned.  
  
"I'm sneaking back a muffin for inspection when we go back home."  
  
"You mean you're snitching food to feed to odd and unrecognizable creatures around the grounds, aren't you?" Seth raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know."  
  
Alena sighed and continued with her breakfast.  
  
"Hey Alena." Oh, great. Just what she needed. Amber.  
  
"Hi." Amber glared.  
  
"Guess what?" God that voice was annoying.  
  
"What, Amber?"  
  
"I caught Ron kissing Hermione this morning."  
  
"Amber, we're in Britain. The proper term is 'snogging'. And what of it?" Amber smirked.  
  
"That means he doesn't like you." Alena bit her lip to keep from grinning.  
  
"No duh. I'm the one who told him to snog her, for God's sake. You think I'm jealous? Oh, yes, I intend to deny her the happiness of finding her soulmate in the midst of a troubled war because I'm an OC who wanders onto the scene, who happens to have a Ron obsession. Yeah." Amber glared and stalked away.  
  
"Weird. Very weird."  
  
"Severus?" The man in question whirled around. Then he  
  
gasped. Before him stood a red-headed woman, strangely  
  
attired in muggle clothes and, strangest of all,  
  
speaking with an American accent.  
  
"What are you doing in my potions lab?" he inquired.  
  
"And if you haven't a decent explanation, then kindly  
  
vacate."  
  
"Oh, no, Severus - I can call you Severus, right?"  
  
The black-haired man shook his head violently, but she  
  
continued, staring him straight in the eye. "I'm sure  
  
you have been told about our arrival by the Headmaster  
  
by now! Knowing Albus, though, it may have slipped  
  
him mind. Lovely old man, but absolutely batty, you  
  
know?" Severus just let the woman continue her  
  
ramble, watching her head turn and her hands fly as  
  
she spoke, and trying to keep up with the pace of her  
  
speaking. "But anyway, we were mysteriously  
  
transported here by Alena, my little sister - sort of,  
  
not really a sister, but close enough - and the first  
  
thing I did was come to find you. You were teaching a  
  
class, though, so I had to wait. But now here you  
  
are, and here I am, and I'm just so pleased I could  
  
just spit!"   
  
"Oh, please refrain!!!" Severus pleaded, finally  
  
getting a word in edgewise. "Who the hell are you,  
  
please? Why are you here?"   
  
The woman smacked her palm to her forehead. "Of  
  
course! I'm Julie Garner, a huge fan of yours. Been  
  
wanting to meet you for ever so long, and now I have!  
  
Wow, won't Ashley be jealous. . .And really, I would  
  
like nothing more at this point than to talk to you."  
  
"Really? What ever about?" Severus asked, feeling  
  
absurdly lost in the conversation, thinking he  
  
should never have gotten out of bed that morning. .  
  
.even though this strange American woman was somewhat.  
  
. .interesting. Severus found her mode of speech,  
  
though uncultured, fascinating, and wondered where in  
  
the Colonies she had picked up that slight twang in  
  
her voice. . .suddenly, Severus was jerked out of his  
  
thoughts by the fact that Julie was moving closer to  
  
him.  
  
"Well, why are you a potions master? Did you like  
  
potions that much in school, or was it just something  
  
you were good at? Were you a good student? Why are  
  
you so morose all the time? Are you currently in a  
  
relationship?"   
  
Severus was stunned. This woman was forward, wasn't  
  
she? But he answered in short order:  
  
"I am a potions master because yes, I did like it that  
  
much and was good at it. I was a passable student.  
  
My moods are none of your business and no, I am not -  
  
MMPH!"   
  
Severus was cut off as, at the last answer, Julie gave  
  
an almighty "HOORAY!!!!" And tackled him, pinning his  
  
form to the desk behind him and her lips to his in a  
  
breathtaking kiss. . . . .  
  
Much, much later...  
  
"Where is Julie? We're all supposed to play Truth or Dare."  
  
"Off in the dungeons snogging Snape."  
  
"TMI. Wait a second...Snape!? ALENA!!! You should have told me! She can't!"  
  
"Why the hell not, Seth? It's not as if you ever showed a proper interest... oh, holy shite, you like her, don't you?"  
  
"Language, little sis, and... YES, GOD DAMMIT, I DO FRICKIN' LIKE HER! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"  
  
"Well then you'd better hurry your sorry arse down there, if you want to find her with even a semblance of clothes on..."  
  
"Alena, you do not sound like yourself, but I shall follow your weird advice all the same."  
  
"Yes I do. This is just the first time I have publicly shown my true self, because the is fanfiction, and I can get away with it."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Now go steal Julie. And don't kill Snape. He's too hot to die..."  
  
"Right-e-o!  
  
In the Dungeons...  
  
"Severus..."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You are freakishly handsome..."  
  
"Mmph."  
  
Julie grinned and blinked slyly at him. At that second, the door to Snape's chamber burst open, and an irate Seth hurdled through the doorway. Before Julie knew what was happening, Seth had tackled Snape, and was punching him thoroughly.  
  
"YOU KEEP AWAY FROM HER YOU GREASY BASTARD! THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!"  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"SINCE NOW."  
  
"Oh. Well, that's new. NOW GET OFF MY POOR SEVERUS!!!"  
  
"W-what? B-but... Julie... I'm saving you from the greasy and evil Potions Freak!"  
  
"He IS NOT GREASY!!!"  
  
"Right. Sure. Whatever."  
  
"HE IS NOT!!! NOW GO THE HELL AWAY AND PESTER SOMEBODY WHO CARES!!!"  
  
"But you're supposed to like me."  
  
"Men are so egocentric. You, you stupid porcupine-headed bugger, were a COMPLETE jerk, and NEVER ONCE returned my calls!"  
  
"Well, I was shy."  
  
"Oh, and that makes up for EVERY DAMN THING!?"  
  
"Yes? No. Definitely no."  
  
"Go away."  
  
Seth sighed and clambered off the rather confused man, and stalked out of the room.  
  
"So, Severus, sorry about him. That's Alena's brother, I liked him."  
  
"Yes, well, we really should discuss—mmph."  
  
In the Gryffindor Common Room...  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"Julie reject you?"  
  
"No. Yes. Sort of. Does telling me to go the hell away and pester someone who cares count as rejection?"  
  
"I would think so. You should have told her while you had the chance. What did you say, anyways?"  
  
So Seth began to explain what had occurred. When he was through, Alena groaned and hit her head against the wall repeatedly.  
  
"I have the stupidest brother ON THE WHOLE SODDING PLANET!!!"  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"You acted like a MCP!"  
  
"A what?"  
  
"A male chauvinistic pig. You don't tackle someone mid-snog and beat the living crap out of them, let alone if the girl you like happens to have a enormous crush on them!" This helpful hint was provided by Ginny who was sitting next to Alena on the couch.  
  
"Oh. That would explain it then. Mind if I borrow that book there, Ginny?"  
  
"Sure..."  
  
"Thanks." And Seth bashed his head against it repeatedly. Then he handed it back.  
  
"Thanks. I think I need to ask professional help now. I'll see you in a bit."  
  
Down in the Dungeons, near the Slytherin Common Room...  
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
"Beasley."  
  
"I need your help." 


	3. The chapter in which Draco gets poked, S...

PRE-FIC AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Julie, to make her feel better about Seth being a prat. And of course, she gets her one promised Seth-snog.  
  
"Gin?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I think I'm going to go explore for a bit. You think Harry'll mind if I borrow the Map and his cloak?"  
  
"Nope. And I won't even bother asking how you knew about those."  
  
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit."  
  
Alena was wrapped up in the Cloak, Marauder's Map in hand. She studied the dots, trying to decide who to pester. Oooh, was that Draco Malfoy? This would be fun.  
  
Alena grinned and started off towards the Slytherin Dungeons. When she reached it, she glanced at the map. It seemed to understand, as it showed the tiny dot that represented her saying 'basilisk'. She did, and the blank stone wall opened to reveal a doorway. She bit her lip and walked inside.  
  
She glanced around. There he was. Putting on his tie and brushing his hair. She smirked and snuck up behind him. Then she grabbed the end of the tie he wasn't holding and slowly began to pull. He watched in amazement in the mirror as his silver and green tie slithered off his neck. When it was in her hands, Alena pulled it back, under the cloak, and put her hair up with it. Draco watched in detached shock as his best tie vanished into thin air.  
  
"Hmmm. I really need to cut down on the firewhisky."  
  
Alena was hard put to keep from giggling. She watched as Draco drew out his next best tie and tied it. Then she followed him as he left the common room.  
  
He began heading towards the Great Hall, undoubtedly for lunch. Alena grinned, this would be good. Draco sat down and began to eat. Alena sat on the empty bench in front of him, and got to work. She picked his fork up when he set it down to gulp some of his pumpkin juice. Then, as he began to eat some of his vegetables with his spoon, wondering where his fork had gone, she prodded him hard on the arm with it.  
  
"YEEOW!!!!"  
  
She couldn't suppress a snicker, but it was drowned out by Draco's screaming. He had begun swatting the air, shrieking that he was under attack and that someone wanted him dead.  
  
"BLAISE!!! Help! OWWWWWW!!! It's got me, Blaise, it's got me!!"  
  
The Italian boy looked on in amusement.  
  
"Draco, you are such a ninny," he commented, and went to go sit at the Gryffindor table with his girlfriend, Ginny.  
  
Alena poked him again, and Draco shrieked loudly. The Gryffindors were laughing, the Hufflepuffs were giggling, and the Ravenclaaws were too busy simultaneously turning pages in their books to notice anything.  
  
She poked again, this time at his food. She began to aim the mashed potatoes at his mouth when he screamed. She took the opportunity to smash them into his mouth unceremoniously. Draco coughed and spluttered, potatoes flying from his lips and covering Pansy in their sticky glop.  
  
"Ewww, Draco, that is soo nasty! I am never, ever going to forgive you! You like, ruined my best robes!!!"  
  
Alena snorted, drowned out by the laughs of the surrounding tables. Poke, she went, right into the potatoes. And this time she smushed them into Draco's hair. He screamed horribly loudly, and she rolled her eyes. He was so girly... and freakishly adorable. But that was not the point!  
  
"Not my hair! Anything but my hair!"  
  
Alena grinned, and dumped the dessert—strawberry ice cream—down the back of his robes. Draco yelped and stood up. Then he fled from the room, followed by Alena.  
  
"That. Was. Brilliant."  
  
Alena took a bow.  
  
"Thank you, dahling, thank you. It's my pleasure to shmooze with the fans."  
  
Ron grinned, and she poked him in the arm playfully. Hermione watched with annoyance, as if certain that the other girl was about to steal away her newly dubbed boyfriend. Alena smiled reassuringly at the girl.  
  
"You know, Ron, as much as I love talking to you, I think I'll leace you two to snog for a bit."  
  
Ron blushed. Hermione squeaked. Alena smirked.  
  
"Well then, I think I'll go die hopelessly at chess against Ginny. See you guys."  
  
"Well, so my personal poltergeist has finally returned. How are you today, Miss Sullivan?"  
  
Alena squeaked as the Cloak was pulled off the top of her head.  
  
"What? Thought I didn't know? You were horribly obvious. After you stuck the potatoes in my hair, it was so plain. I just didn't want to humiliate you."  
  
"Riiiiight..."  
  
"Pff."  
  
"Hmph."  
  
Draco smirked. Alena smirked right back. Draco's smirk faltered. Alena's widened.  
  
"Uh-huh. So, now, do I have to say anything else to you, or can I go away and wallow in self pity regarding my complete lack of sneaking abilities?"  
  
Draco sneered. God, he was really cute when he did that.  
  
"Well, I want my tie—nice idea with the hair tie—back..."  
  
She smirked.  
  
"Not happening any time soon, buster."  
  
"Wha...?"  
  
But she had already left.  
  
"Damn."  
  
"Greasy hair—check. No earrings—check. Weird, black dresses that Malfoy claims are robes—check. Stupid, evil, dark and utterly slimy voice—check. I am perfect! There is no way she won't fall for me now!"  
  
Alena poked her head in the door.  
  
"Hey Seth, I was wondering if you wanted some breakfa—Gaaaah!"  
  
She put one hand to her mouth while biting her lip, desperately trying not to make noises of disgust and laughter.  
  
"So, how do I look?" he asked proudly, sneering—in a way he must have thought quite impressive, but actually made him look like a gopher with a complex—and puffing out his chest.  
  
Alena made a strange, sort of quacking noise, and clapped her hands, one on top of the other, over her mouth (rather like when her father embarrassed her beyond repair by doing the hip-wiggle at Meehan's) as strange sounds began to emerge from it. Her face changed rapidly from red to green to purple to blue then to a rather interesting shade of magenta very quickly. She turned and fled the room, hands still clapped over her mouth.  
  
Seth watched her disappear in confusion. Then, he shook his head and turned back to the mirror, inspecting himself once more.  
  
"Awed by my magnificence, I suppose."  
  
Alena ran, breakneck speed, down to the dungeons. Without knocking, she burst into Snape's dungeon. She grabbed Julie from Snape and yanked her into the hallway. Julie looked less than pleased.  
  
"What is it with you and your bloody family? Have you got no sense of privacy? I was snoggi—"Alena cut her off.  
  
"Julie! You have to hide! It's the world's most horrible, awful, terrible thing ever!"  
  
Julie looked interested.  
  
"I flying pink moose determined to rid the world of chocolate?"  
  
"It's—wait, what!? No! It's Seth! He's dressed as—"  
  
Speak of the devil. The aforementioned had just walked around the corner, gopher-sneer and puffed-out chest in place. He had stuck his fingers in the sides of his pockets and was trying to look impressive—only managing to further develop his gopher-with-a-complex look.  
  
"Hello Juliana," he drawled. Julie made a chocking, horrified noise and clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle her laughter. This not working, she promptly stuck her fist in her mouth. She began to turn a similar shade of magenta to the on Alena had turned earlier.  
  
"And, that is Julie-speak for 'you look like an idiot, what the hell are you doing?'. I mean, come on, you look like a gopher with a complex." Malfoy. What a joy. Not to mention it spared Alena from having to say the exact same thing.  
  
"WHAT!? You're the one who said to wear it in the first place!"  
  
"No, I said, if you want her to like you, you have to look like what she likes. I didn't say you needed to turn into a psychotic gopher."  
  
Seth tackled Malfoy and began his rather sorry attempt at trying to break his pretty face in. Alena stepped in however.  
  
"You mess up his face, and I'll make you wish you had enough teeth to look like a psychotic gopher!"  
  
She yanked the Snape-wannabe off of her beauteous Draco and slapped him hard across the face.  
  
"SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU BLOODY IDIOT! SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!!!"  
  
Seth sneered, and not in a gopher-with-a-complex sort of way. Julie about died. He looked so sexy when he sneered!! She raced over and pulled him out of Alena's grasp, fastening her lips over his like a deranged maniac. Needless to say, Snape was displeased.  
  
Draco ran to catch up with Alena, who seemed to be trying her best to not turn around and look at him. He finally reached her, and, grabbing her by the wrist, whirled her around to face him.  
  
"What is your problem, Sullivan? One minute, you're insulting the daylights out of me and poking me with a fork, the next your pulling a deranged gopher-boy off of me, and then, you go back to glaring and... and completely ignoring me!!! Do you have a complex too? The 'let's be a complete arse to Draco Malfoy' complex? Or would you explain?"  
  
Alena glared at him defiantly.  
  
"As a Malfoy, I order you to tell me."  
  
"Oh, well then, your imperial majesty, I shall tell you what my problem is, just because your royal snivellyness commanded it!" Sarcasm. She lived for sarcasm. "YOU ARE AN ANNOYING FERRET WHO TRICKS MY BROTHER INTO DRESSING LIKE AN IDIOT—well, worse than normal, anyways—YOU HAVE NO REMORSE WHATSOEVER ABOUT ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE JACKASS, YOU ARE COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH YOURSELF, YOU THINK YOU CAN COMMAND EVERYBODY, AND YOU ARE WAY TOO ADORABLE FOR YOUR OWN GORRAM GOOD!!!"  
  
Draco smirked.  
  
"So I'm adorable?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Than, a) why did you say it, and b) why are you turning a rather interesting shade of magenta?"  
  
"Bugger off, Malfoy."  
  
"I don't swing that way, thanks."  
  
"SOD OFF, MALFOY!!!"  
  
"Only if you'll go to Hogsmeade with me."  
  
"I SAID SOD O—what the hell did you just say?"  
  
"There's a Hogsmeade trip tomorrow, Sullivan. Will you go with me?"  
  
"Yes—no! What am I saying!? No, Nononononono!!"  
  
Draco smirked.  
  
"Meet you in the Entrance Hall at eleven?"  
  
"Right."  
  
AUTHOR NOTES: Gorram is a reference from the show Firefly, created by Joss Whedon.  
  
After this chapter, Julie will officially go back to snogging Snape. Call it a moment of temporary identity confusion—when he sneered, she mistook him for Snape subconsciously, and snogged the life out of him. 


End file.
